copyright infringment

I read my wife's cousins blog tonight about her quirks. I thought to myself that those aren't very strange quirks except for maybe the one about not liking to run into people. I gave it some thought and found out that I have some pretty odd quirks too. I don't know if I will be able to come up with seven tonight but there are a couple that stand out.

1. When I eat cereal in the morning I pour milk into the cereal until I see the first flake or puff or FMW or cheerio move. Then I proceed to rotate my bowl clockwise and tamp down the cereal into the milk so none of it is extremely dry or sharp on my gums.

2. I firmly believe that 2% milk is the only way to go. I have a near philosophy on the matter. Why drink milk at all if it is closer to being water than milk. Why is milk good for you?... because of the calcium right? Well calcium is white and when the color of skim milk is opaque or less white than the two percent that would indicate that something has been lost. Women that drink skim milk are drinking it because they don't want to exercise to work off the chub they accumulate from watching three hours of soaps a day. I compromised with my wife and drink 1% but whole milk is another story. If you are going to drink whole milk why not just buy a cow. There is a scripture that says "delight in fatness" so a little fat isn't all bad.

3. Hamburgers. I eat them a certain way that nobody I know does except maybe the people that have seen the superiority of my method. I set the hamburger on top of my hand and rotate it depending on where the drips come out of. Clockwise too by the way. After all if its good enough for Father time its good enough for me. My method is cleaner and more effective. Your hands don't get greasy by squeezing out the guts of the burger they remain clean and clear of any sauce, grease or other debris that comes out of the hamburger. If you are skeptical try eating a Carls Junior six dollar burger, (specifically the guacamole bacon) without spilling anything out of it. I have accomplished it with my hamburger eating method. Let me know and be honest zero spills.

4. If I wake up in the morning and stub my toe or something super crappy happens in the first fifteen minutes of being awake I am next to certain that my whole day is going to suck badly.

5. At UPS I have to throw my last bag on the belt or disaster will befall me. Other people can throw the others on but not the first or the last. It is a serious superstition.

6. Toothpaste should exit the tube a certain way. From the bottom up. Not from the middle out or from top to bottom. I am pretty sure I picked that one up from old Dad. No excess needs to be left gumming up the cap area.

7. Since basic training I fold my shirts just a certain way. If they are folded otherwise I refold.

8. I am particular about the way I hang my pants. I place the first two belt loops together on each side of the button or snap. I don't rehang pants though not as big a priority on my list of quirks.

9. Sorry girls but I cannot drive as a passenger to a woman without being very nervous to the point of near hyperventilation. This is attributed to Alice Martineau who rolled her Geo metro in a blizzard on a mountain pass in Northern Nevada with me as the passenger.

10. I am ultra sensitive to the ground shaking ever since the 7.1 earthquake of 89 in Los Gatos Ca. if you want to play a good joke on me lift a desk up and shake it a bit while I am sitting on it and you will see the worlds fastest human.

So I came up with ten; more than I expected but I think they are diverse quirks and some of them I take some pride in as you may have been able to tell. My youngest daughter takes after me and she can be very difficult sometimes. So yes I know I need to keep these things to myself to avoid warping my childrens brains.