Outhouse Duck

As promised, Christine... Here is the the timeless story of the Outhouse Duck,



otherwise known as, Cameron's Feathered Feces Friend...



The kids and I were in Idaho, near Yellowstone Park for a couple weeks this year. There is a million outdoor adventures and beautiful places to visit. Of all the places we went, Hebgen Lake, in Montana, was by far the favorite of all the cousins. We went there several times, and Cameron heard all about how awesome it was on the phone. So when Cameron managed to come up for a quick visit, that was at the top of his list. When we got there, the kids were prepared, swim suits under their clothes- they were in the water before the van engine was turned off. I pointed the way to the outhouse so Cameron could change into his.



I helped my Mom and Robyn get settled in some shade, and finished unloading our picnic lunch. As I was starting to set lunch out, I noticed Cameron and Isaiah whispering conspiratorially in the shadows. I heard Cameron tell Isaiah, if he told Mom- he wouldn't get his new Transformer. Isaiah had a pleased look on his face, and the I knew right away something mischievous was going down. Of course by gentle questioning and a little threatening, I was able to get the truth out of Isaiah. It all started when Cameron was in the outhouse. He looked in the toilet hole, and thought he saw something moving down there. His first thought was that some pervert was down there. As his eyes adjusted, however, he could tell it was some kind of a large bird- maybe a hawk. Of course, Cameron with his tender, animal lover heart, couldn't bear to allow the little thing to perish in the poop. What was his plan? To hold Isaiah by the legs, lower him down the pit to grab the distressed creature, and raise it up to safety.



Yes. You read right. Cameron was going to put his first born child, his only son, down into an abyss of feces, in attempt to help an unknown bird. And yes, Isaiah had agreed- in exchange for the measly compensation of a new toy from Walmart. Luckily I am skilled in the ancient matriarchal art of interrogation, and was able to put a stop to this plan before it could be carried out. Naturally, Cameron had rationalization for this crazy plan. Of course Isaiah would be safe, he wouldn't allow him to get any human waste on him, although he would be surrounded by it in a precarious situation. Nothing could possibly have happened to him. But I kept my foot firmly on the ground, and vetoed the unthinkable scheme. Cameron was truly upset. He had determined it was a duck that was trapped in the outhouse toilet, and he couldn't have any real fun at the lake with such a tragedy so nearby him. Soon he was back out of the lake over in the trees. I saw him working on something. It involved a long branch, a piece of plywood, and a bunch of fishing line. Cameron had a new plan. After a few modifications, the very first outhouse-trapped duck-elevator was ready for action. With help from his unwilling assistant (me), Cam was able to prod the duck onto the plywood platform and pull it to safety. He grabbed it inside a plastic bag, and released it into the lake. After I saw how happy it was to clean itself off and play in the water, before it flew off- I felt a little bad for being so antagonistic. Besides his plan to put Isaiah inside a crap hole, I was rather proud of my husband, the saviour of animals. (This is far from the first time he has gone to great lengths to help injured or distressed animals) The day ended well; the kids AND parents had fun playing at the lake, and the cute little duck waddled, swam, and flew once again.
Somewhere, John James Audubon is smiling.





If that wasn't entertaining enough... here's another funny addition. My dear Mother, Lana Gale, was a little less impressed at the days heroics. She said to Cameron, "You know, I think you are the only man in the world that treats animals better than his Mother-in-law." Cameron, of course, reassured her, "Lana Gale, if you were stuck in a pile of shit- I'd help you out too."