Proud Stay-at-home Mom

Me, with my darling baby girl, India

With my two-year-old son, Truman at the train show. My happiness as a mother is magnified with every little childhood joy I share with my children.

I posted this on facebook yesterday, and just wanted to post a version that I was able to proofread and try to correct all of the errors that were in it, due to my typing in on my cell phone. I feel very passionate about this, and glad I wrote it out.

I've been thinking about Hilary Rosen's snarky remarks all day. I can't decide which part of it all bothers me more. So I'm going to list all of them.
1. My husband is a Staff Sgt. In the USAF and does not by any of our societal standards make a lot of money. He works a second job so I can stay home with our 5 children. I don't look down on women who in similar situations choose to work, and don't like it when people look down on me for my decision to focus on my family. We may not be able to send our children to private schools, or dress them in name brand clothing, but at the end of the day I know they have been fed healthy meals cooked with love. Their homework is done, their chores completed. I've driven them myself to soccer, gymnastics, and dance. If the phone rings during the day because they are sick, I am there to pick then up from school and give them love and nurturing. I know there are women out there that wish they could say the same thing but can't make it work, and I also know there are women out there who could make that work and choose not to. Everyone knows their calling in life. For some it may be a career, for others it may be motherhood, for others it is the daunting task of juggling both. I don't judge any of them.
2. Is Ann Romney's choice to stay at home with her children any less admirable because her husband was a successful businessman? Is her worth as a woman or a human being lessened because her husband made a lot of money? Any sacrifices she made, giving up dreams to be a doctor, lawyer, artist, or whatever... are every bit as significant as the dreams I gave up when I decided it was best for my family if I quit my job and began my 'work at home.' Isn't the insinuation Ann Romney's worth and sacrifices are lessened by her husband's financial status contrary to the typical liberal view of the value of women?
3. By saying Ann Romney doesn't know what is going on in this country, or couldn't possibly understand the economic situation we are facing because she has "never worked a day in her life" (*oh, it makes my blood boil to write that*). She is not only insulting an intelligent, educated, involved woman. She is insulting over 5 million of us, who are stay at home moms. (Stat taken from a news article I read today). Because I don't go to an office building myself, I can't comprehend what is going on around me? I can't feel the fears of my husband's position being eliminated? I can't sympathize with my neighbor who lost his job, and has been searching for 6 months for a new one? The 4 years I studied at university, the years of work experience I have, and the years and months and weeks and days of service I gave for my church and other organizations now are reduced to meaningless? My brain and soul and my entire being that was nurtured from a young age, also by a stay at home mom, now are not considered worthy to give an opinion? When I handed in my first paper for my English 2010 class, my professor asked me to stay after class to discuss it. As I sat in his office, nervous there was criticism coming, he simply said, "Tara, I can tell you have had some good instruction in your life. Your paper really reflects a great education." Relieved, I told him, yes- I had excellent teachers, especially my senior English teacher. I will never forget what he said to me next, and I may have never realized the entirety of the truth of it had he not said it. "No, that's not what I mean. I'm sure your teachers helped you along the way, but you don't produce a paper as good as this without a very educated and caring parent that taught you from a young age." Yes, my Mother, who didn't go to bed when she was tired and would probably have liked to, is the one who was by my side those late nights while I finished all of those high school papers. She is the one who helped me choose a good path in school and in life. She is the one responsible for me being able to read when kindergarten started, and understand the basics of math and science before we learned them in school. She is the reason I had confidence to succeed in high school, college, and beyond. My mother, who attended business college, and with her high intelligence level, could easily have continued down her career path as an accountant, chose to stay at home and sew for me and my siblings, to cook, clean, can, bottle, garden, teach, drive, and guide us along our childhoods. All of that is the reason I sat in my professor's office, stunned and proud of his praise. So to take all of my accomplishments, my mother's accomplishments, and Ann Romney's accomplishments away, and to say that we don't have the understanding or experience to comment or give opinions on society, economics, government or any matter is a reprehensible statement. Who do you think was my father's support and counsel in his role as a professional? Who do you think is my husband's greatest counsel? Who do you think Mitt Romney values and trusts above all others? The women in their lives. Their wives. It is rare to find a successful man or woman without a strong and supporting spouse standing beside them.
My Mother and father on their wedding day, March 21, 1959. They just celebrated their 53rd wedding anniversary.


4. By saying Mitt Romney, because of his background (whether she meant family, religion, or both) has a "backwards view" on women and life... She is showing ignorance to the truth of Mitt Romney's personal, professional, and political histories. And also once again she is insinuating that my father, and my husband are "backwards" and therefore less worthy of human beings. My father is not, my husband is not, nor is Romney backwards or less worthy to lead because they supported their wives choices to stay home with their family.


This picture was taken while visiting my husband while he was in Texas for military training.


Family is everything to me... This is what our family reunions look like. This is the family of my Grandma and Grandpa, Howard and Verna Holt. I love all of you!

Trumanicles

Tman was sleeping by me the other night and he woke up- I think his blanket came off and he got cold. Then he was asking me questions like, "Where is the moon, Mom?" I told him, "Outside in the sky." He said, "In the air?" I said, "Yes in the air, up in the sky." He seemed like he was thinking about that for a while. About 5 minutes later he said, "I hear the moon, Mom." He was scared because he could hear the buzz of car sounds from the window. I told him it was just the sound of cars outside, but it really scared him. He kept asking about the moon and cars and the sound. He was snuggled up and grabbing my arm. Poor sweet thing.

Here's my other special Truman story of the week. I posted it on Facebook- but I love it. Just one conversation reminds me why I love being my kids' Mom. It went like this...
Me: Hey, Trumanicles.
T: I'm not Trumanicles!
Me: You're not? Are you the Trumanator?
T: I'm not the Trumanator!
Me: Oh. Are you my Trumy- love?
T: Yes, I am. {pause} And you're my Mommy-love. <3

He loves dressing up and pretending, and getting a laugh.

He's pretty good at getting a laugh.

Potty-training Truman has been pretty adventurous.

Just don't mess with the Trumanator's mealtime.

Or desert time.

He's such a boy. Loves dirt, Trains, cars, mud, insects, frogs and snails and puppy-dog tails.

I love you, Truman!

Proud Stay-at-home Mom

Me, with my darling baby girl, India

With my two-year-old son, Truman at the train show. My happiness as a mother is magnified with every little childhood joy I share with my children.

I posted this on facebook yesterday, and just wanted to post a version that I was able to proofread and try to correct all of the errors that were in it, due to my typing in on my cell phone. I feel very passionate about this, and glad I wrote it out.

I've been thinking about Hilary Rosen's snarky remarks all day. I can't decide which part of it all bothers me more. So I'm going to list all of them.
1. My husband is a Staff Sgt. In the USAF and does not by any of our societal standards make a lot of money. He works a second job so I can stay home with our 5 children. I don't look down on women who in similar situations choose to work, and don't like it when people look down on me for my decision to focus on my family. We may not be able to send our children to private schools, or dress them in name brand clothing, but at the end of the day I know they have been fed healthy meals cooked with love. Their homework is done, their chores completed. I've driven them myself to soccer, gymnastics, and dance. If the phone rings during the day because they are sick, I am there to pick then up from school and give them love and nurturing. I know there are women out there that wish they could say the same thing but can't make it work, and I also know there are women out there who could make that work and choose not to. Everyone knows their calling in life. For some it may be a career, for others it may be motherhood, for others it is the daunting task of juggling both. I don't judge any of them.
2. Is Ann Romney's choice to stay at home with her children any less admirable because her husband was a successful businessman? Is her worth as a woman or a human being lessened because her husband made a lot of money? Any sacrifices she made, giving up dreams to be a doctor, lawyer, artist, or whatever... are every bit as significant as the dreams I gave up when I decided it was best for my family if I quit my job and began my 'work at home.' Isn't the insinuation Ann Romney's worth and sacrifices are lessened by her husband's financial status contrary to the typical liberal view of the value of women?
3. By saying Ann Romney doesn't know what is going on in this country, or couldn't possibly understand the economic situation we are facing because she has "never worked a day in her life" (*oh, it makes my blood boil to write that*). She is not only insulting an intelligent, educated, involved woman. She is insulting over 5 million of us, who are stay at home moms. (Stat taken from a news article I read today). Because I don't go to an office building myself, I can't comprehend what is going on around me? I can't feel the fears of my husband's position being eliminated? I can't sympathize with my neighbor who lost his job, and has been searching for 6 months for a new one? The 4 years I studied at university, the years of work experience I have, and the years and months and weeks and days of service I gave for my church and other organizations now are reduced to meaningless? My brain and soul and my entire being that was nurtured from a young age, also by a stay at home mom, now are not considered worthy to give an opinion? When I handed in my first paper for my English 2010 class, my professor asked me to stay after class to discuss it. As I sat in his office, nervous there was criticism coming, he simply said, "Tara, I can tell you have had some good instruction in your life. Your paper really reflects a great education." Relieved, I told him, yes- I had excellent teachers, especially my senior English teacher. I will never forget what he said to me next, and I may have never realized the entirety of the truth of it had he not said it. "No, that's not what I mean. I'm sure your teachers helped you along the way, but you don't produce a paper as good as this without a very educated and caring parent that taught you from a young age." Yes, my Mother, who didn't go to bed when she was tired and would probably have liked to, is the one who was by my side those late nights while I finished all of those high school papers. She is the one who helped me choose a good path in school and in life. She is the one responsible for me being able to read when kindergarten started, and understand the basics of math and science before we learned them in school. She is the reason I had confidence to succeed in high school, college, and beyond. My mother, who attended business college, and with her high intelligence level, could easily have continued down her career path as an accountant, chose to stay at home and sew for me and my siblings, to cook, clean, can, bottle, garden, teach, drive, and guide us along our childhoods. All of that is the reason I sat in my professor's office, stunned and proud of his praise. So to take all of my accomplishments, my mother's accomplishments, and Ann Romney's accomplishments away, and to say that we don't have the understanding or experience to comment or give opinions on society, economics, government or any matter is a reprehensible statement. Who do you think was my father's support and counsel in his role as a professional? Who do you think is my husband's greatest counsel? Who do you think Mitt Romney values and trusts above all others? The women in their lives. Their wives. It is rare to find a successful man or woman without a strong and supporting spouse standing beside them.
My Mother and father on their wedding day, March 21, 1959. They just celebrated their 53rd wedding anniversary.


4. By saying Mitt Romney, because of his background (whether she meant family, religion, or both) has a "backwards view" on women and life... She is showing ignorance to the truth of Mitt Romney's personal, professional, and political histories. And also once again she is insinuating that my father, and my husband are "backwards" and therefore less worthy of human beings. My father is not, my husband is not, nor is Romney backwards or less worthy to lead because they supported their wives choices to stay home with their family.


This picture was taken while visiting my husband while he was in Texas for military training.


Family is everything to me... This is what our family reunions look like. This is the family of my Grandma and Grandpa, Howard and Verna Holt. I love all of you!

Pubic Symphysis Disorder, anyone?

I guess I have always considered myself pretty tough. I feel like my pain tolerance is relatively high. The only times I remember feeling vulnerable to pain has been in giving birth to my children, and after having ankle surgery when a staff infection set in. Childbirth- I guess it's just a vulnerable situation anyway, one where I felt so little control over anything. I guess that is why I chose to have epidurals with four of my children, and would have with #3 if time allowed. I don't think that makes me less strong in general, but I'll freely admit that during the times I was in labor and giving birth, I didn't feel strong or confident. When I broke my ankle, I was devastated. I had just lost 60 pounds and was training for my first half marathon. But I didn't really give into the despair until the staff infection set in. Because of that I ended up on absolute bed rest for 6 weeks or so. After that, mainly bed rest was recommended. It was over 3 1/2 months before my doctor allowed me to take a step without crutches. Even then I could only take about ten steps before the pain made me give in and go back to the crutches. It was a long road. One I had to take while I was pregnant with my fifth child. My darling India. Which brings me back to the topic of this post. After giving birth to her, I started feeling good again. Happy to be not pregnant, not broken or crippled in any way- I tried to start running 5 or 6 weeks after she was born. My ankle and heel gave me a little trouble, but pain up higher seemed even worse. I wondered if I had pulled a groin muscle or something. So I didn't keep running. I don't remember when the pain started getting worse, but it did. I didn't understand it. I felt like I did when I was pregnant. I would stand up, and all of the sudden I couldn't move or take a step because it hurt so bad. Sometimes it was my groin muscle area, sometimes my lower abdomen, sometimes my very lower back. Sometimes the pain was right at the top of my "privates". I wondered if I had an infection of some sort. I couldn't lift my two year old, or baskets of laundry, or on bad days even my little India. The Pain confused me because it moved. Left leg was worse, then right. Then one day my lower abdomen would hurt so bad I would fall down bent over after standing up. Then my lower back. Then back to my pubic area. Some days it was so bad I could barely walk up stairs or put my pants on. Some days I barely noticed it unless I was carrying a child or something heavy. The bones in my lower back, or the back of the pelvic bones (I don't know which ones, I'm not a doctor) were popping and grinding hundreds of times a day- anytime I bent or leaned over, or if I was laying down.
So about 11 months after I had India, I finally decided something isn't right, being tough isn't helping me get over this and I went to the doctor. I had never been to the doctor to say, "I'm in pain... this is hurting." So in a way I felt like a big baby. Especially because I was saying the pain was here, and here, and here, and here... oh and by the way my lower back pops and grinds all the time, I don't know if that's related. (He dismissed that and said it was probably another issue, possibly related to my scoliosis, which he had noticed I have) In the end, he diagnosed me with a chronic hip flexor strain and ordered Xrays of the area and of my whole back so he could assess the scoliosis. He had treated adults with scoliosis in the past, and even one who had severe health problems because of it and ended up having surgery for it. I think because of this all his focus when to my scoliosis, and not to the fact that I had been in pain for months. He ordered physical therapy for me, which in the end was my saving grace.
I had to wait almost a month until our insurance would cover the treatment fully. My physical therapist, Becky is so good. She helped my along after my ankle surgery, so I was happy to go back to her. She read the diagnosis, began asking questions, and within a few minutes of questions and examination she said I had pubic symphysis disorder. Pubic whathysis? She had to repeat it three times and eventually write it down for me I had never heard of it. She explained that during pregnancy when the relaxin hormone is at work, the pubic bone can shift out of place. Or it can happen during child birth. Usually it pops back into place on it's own, but obviously mine hadn't. I was kind of overloaded with the new information, but immediately I was happy to understand why the pain I felt was like the pain I felt when I was pregnant. It WAS the same pain.
So of course when I got home I turned to the internet to understand this strange named disorder better. I have to tell you I cried real tears. This is what I read...

Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction (SPD) is most commonly associated with pregnancy and childbirth. It is a condition that causes excessive movement of the pubic symphysis, either anterior or lateral, as well as associated pain, possibly because of a misalignment of the pelvis. SPD is a dysfunction that is associated with pelvic girdle pain and the names are often used interchangeably. It is thought to affect up to one in four pregnant women to varying degrees, with 7% of sufferers continuing to experience serious symptoms postpartum. Although the condition was recognised by Hippocrates, incidences of SPD appear to have increased in recent years; it is unclear whether this is because the average maternal age is increasing, or because the condition is being diagnosed more frequently.
The main symptom is usually pain or discomfort in the pelvic region. This will probably be centred on the joint at the front of the pelvis (the pubic symphysis). Some sufferers report being able to hear the lower back and hip joints, the sacroiliac, clicking or popping in and out as they walk or change position. Sufferers frequently also experience pain in the lower back, hips, groin, lower abdomen, and legs. The severity of the pain can range from mild discomfort to extreme and prolonged suffering. There have been links between SPD and depression on account of the associated physical discomfort Sufferers may walk with a characteristic waddling gait and have difficulty climbing stairs, problems with leg abduction and adduction, pain when carrying out weight bearing activities, difficulties carrying out everyday activities, and difficulties standing.


This is where the tears came. I guess because I had a hard time admitting there was something wrong, and after finally going to the doctor and being given a diagnosis that didn't make sense I felt worse emotionally. This eventual understanding was so... validating. Such a relief just to know what was wrong. I mean- I could have written that paragraph about the symptoms, quite literally. I believe I probably suffered from this during all my pregnancies, but until now never after.
So now here I am at the beginning of a long road again it seems. I have been to the physical therapist a few times, and she is beginning to seem discouraged about not being able to pop it back. She thinks my muscles have tightened around the area, maybe as a protection, but it is making it hard to correct. My relief is turning to fear a little bit- I am starting to realize that because this usually corrects itself within 3-9 months after childbirth and I am getting worse more than better, I may have a problem. But I will take it one day at a time. If anyone can help me, I believe Becky, my PT can. She's really great.
What a long an emotional year. Not all the pain came from this, but the physical pain definitely made any other pain I had harder to deal with. It has been exhausting and quite discouraging. Especially to someone who has never had physical pain inhibit them. Added to the six-seven months previous to delivery when I was recovering from my ankle- it has almost broken me. And that is something I have never admitted at any time. But there it is. I don't have a lot of close friends. I don't talk to many people in depth nowadays at all. I am so happy that I have reconnected with one of my college best friends, because I have had someone to talk to about this a little bit. But I felt so many emotions still, I felt I had to write it all down. Luckily I haven't written a blog entry in months and months, so this will not likely get a huge readership. But I guess maybe writing it down will be good for me anyway.
How about it? If you are one of the two people to read this, have you ever heard of pubic Symphisis disorder before? I really wish I had.