Pubic Symphysis Disorder, anyone?

I guess I have always considered myself pretty tough. I feel like my pain tolerance is relatively high. The only times I remember feeling vulnerable to pain has been in giving birth to my children, and after having ankle surgery when a staff infection set in. Childbirth- I guess it's just a vulnerable situation anyway, one where I felt so little control over anything. I guess that is why I chose to have epidurals with four of my children, and would have with #3 if time allowed. I don't think that makes me less strong in general, but I'll freely admit that during the times I was in labor and giving birth, I didn't feel strong or confident. When I broke my ankle, I was devastated. I had just lost 60 pounds and was training for my first half marathon. But I didn't really give into the despair until the staff infection set in. Because of that I ended up on absolute bed rest for 6 weeks or so. After that, mainly bed rest was recommended. It was over 3 1/2 months before my doctor allowed me to take a step without crutches. Even then I could only take about ten steps before the pain made me give in and go back to the crutches. It was a long road. One I had to take while I was pregnant with my fifth child. My darling India. Which brings me back to the topic of this post. After giving birth to her, I started feeling good again. Happy to be not pregnant, not broken or crippled in any way- I tried to start running 5 or 6 weeks after she was born. My ankle and heel gave me a little trouble, but pain up higher seemed even worse. I wondered if I had pulled a groin muscle or something. So I didn't keep running. I don't remember when the pain started getting worse, but it did. I didn't understand it. I felt like I did when I was pregnant. I would stand up, and all of the sudden I couldn't move or take a step because it hurt so bad. Sometimes it was my groin muscle area, sometimes my lower abdomen, sometimes my very lower back. Sometimes the pain was right at the top of my "privates". I wondered if I had an infection of some sort. I couldn't lift my two year old, or baskets of laundry, or on bad days even my little India. The Pain confused me because it moved. Left leg was worse, then right. Then one day my lower abdomen would hurt so bad I would fall down bent over after standing up. Then my lower back. Then back to my pubic area. Some days it was so bad I could barely walk up stairs or put my pants on. Some days I barely noticed it unless I was carrying a child or something heavy. The bones in my lower back, or the back of the pelvic bones (I don't know which ones, I'm not a doctor) were popping and grinding hundreds of times a day- anytime I bent or leaned over, or if I was laying down.
So about 11 months after I had India, I finally decided something isn't right, being tough isn't helping me get over this and I went to the doctor. I had never been to the doctor to say, "I'm in pain... this is hurting." So in a way I felt like a big baby. Especially because I was saying the pain was here, and here, and here, and here... oh and by the way my lower back pops and grinds all the time, I don't know if that's related. (He dismissed that and said it was probably another issue, possibly related to my scoliosis, which he had noticed I have) In the end, he diagnosed me with a chronic hip flexor strain and ordered Xrays of the area and of my whole back so he could assess the scoliosis. He had treated adults with scoliosis in the past, and even one who had severe health problems because of it and ended up having surgery for it. I think because of this all his focus when to my scoliosis, and not to the fact that I had been in pain for months. He ordered physical therapy for me, which in the end was my saving grace.
I had to wait almost a month until our insurance would cover the treatment fully. My physical therapist, Becky is so good. She helped my along after my ankle surgery, so I was happy to go back to her. She read the diagnosis, began asking questions, and within a few minutes of questions and examination she said I had pubic symphysis disorder. Pubic whathysis? She had to repeat it three times and eventually write it down for me I had never heard of it. She explained that during pregnancy when the relaxin hormone is at work, the pubic bone can shift out of place. Or it can happen during child birth. Usually it pops back into place on it's own, but obviously mine hadn't. I was kind of overloaded with the new information, but immediately I was happy to understand why the pain I felt was like the pain I felt when I was pregnant. It WAS the same pain.
So of course when I got home I turned to the internet to understand this strange named disorder better. I have to tell you I cried real tears. This is what I read...

Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction (SPD) is most commonly associated with pregnancy and childbirth. It is a condition that causes excessive movement of the pubic symphysis, either anterior or lateral, as well as associated pain, possibly because of a misalignment of the pelvis. SPD is a dysfunction that is associated with pelvic girdle pain and the names are often used interchangeably. It is thought to affect up to one in four pregnant women to varying degrees, with 7% of sufferers continuing to experience serious symptoms postpartum. Although the condition was recognised by Hippocrates, incidences of SPD appear to have increased in recent years; it is unclear whether this is because the average maternal age is increasing, or because the condition is being diagnosed more frequently.
The main symptom is usually pain or discomfort in the pelvic region. This will probably be centred on the joint at the front of the pelvis (the pubic symphysis). Some sufferers report being able to hear the lower back and hip joints, the sacroiliac, clicking or popping in and out as they walk or change position. Sufferers frequently also experience pain in the lower back, hips, groin, lower abdomen, and legs. The severity of the pain can range from mild discomfort to extreme and prolonged suffering. There have been links between SPD and depression on account of the associated physical discomfort Sufferers may walk with a characteristic waddling gait and have difficulty climbing stairs, problems with leg abduction and adduction, pain when carrying out weight bearing activities, difficulties carrying out everyday activities, and difficulties standing.


This is where the tears came. I guess because I had a hard time admitting there was something wrong, and after finally going to the doctor and being given a diagnosis that didn't make sense I felt worse emotionally. This eventual understanding was so... validating. Such a relief just to know what was wrong. I mean- I could have written that paragraph about the symptoms, quite literally. I believe I probably suffered from this during all my pregnancies, but until now never after.
So now here I am at the beginning of a long road again it seems. I have been to the physical therapist a few times, and she is beginning to seem discouraged about not being able to pop it back. She thinks my muscles have tightened around the area, maybe as a protection, but it is making it hard to correct. My relief is turning to fear a little bit- I am starting to realize that because this usually corrects itself within 3-9 months after childbirth and I am getting worse more than better, I may have a problem. But I will take it one day at a time. If anyone can help me, I believe Becky, my PT can. She's really great.
What a long an emotional year. Not all the pain came from this, but the physical pain definitely made any other pain I had harder to deal with. It has been exhausting and quite discouraging. Especially to someone who has never had physical pain inhibit them. Added to the six-seven months previous to delivery when I was recovering from my ankle- it has almost broken me. And that is something I have never admitted at any time. But there it is. I don't have a lot of close friends. I don't talk to many people in depth nowadays at all. I am so happy that I have reconnected with one of my college best friends, because I have had someone to talk to about this a little bit. But I felt so many emotions still, I felt I had to write it all down. Luckily I haven't written a blog entry in months and months, so this will not likely get a huge readership. But I guess maybe writing it down will be good for me anyway.
How about it? If you are one of the two people to read this, have you ever heard of pubic Symphisis disorder before? I really wish I had.